I'm overwhelmed. Papers to file,forms to fill out and no clue how to work the online banking. Samantha has a science project that requires building a catapult. Felt as frazzled and sad as I looked today... and the phone was ringing off the hook.
It felt good to snuggle the boys and read them 3 bedtime stories and sing them to sleep. Colby keeps telling me how much he missed me while I was with Daddy at the hospital. It feels good to be home...but it's so not home anymore.
Glenn (with the help of the Furlongs) has planned a getaway for us next week. Meanwhile...the toilet needs fixed and the entire kitchen and first floor hardwoods are being ripped apart (possibly) while we're away. (thank god for my mom)
So, all things considered I am doing this. Not that I have any choice. And I hate it. Hate it beyond... but do this I must. I miss him. And I hate to even think it or say it because I am far too busy with the details of unraveling this mess to even feel.
Off to make some lunches. And have a chat with Sam too.
Be present with those you love tonight--
Amy
Did I really just post this?? I'm okay...really.
Monday, November 09, 2009
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16 comments:
All I can say is an especially big hug to you and the kids! I only know a fraction of what you are going through, and I want to scream for you! As you know life goes on and we have to stay positive, that is what gets us through the day!
Love
Michelle Christenson
Amy -
That was a great post. Now I don't have to add to your phone ringing off the hook. Thank you for continuing to share. Your words speak that you are going through it....can't go around it.....gotta go through it....and I firmly believe that talking about all aspects is healing. (who knows maybe someone will even assist you now with the online banking and the catapult.)
The idea of the getaway appears well planned on Glenn's part and I'm glad to know you aren't putting up a fuss. I wish you warmth wherever you are traveling.
Sending lots of love - Linda
Amy,
We have made catapults before..Well David has for Britt and her physics class. Please call, you know he loves that stuff. I'm the queen of online banking and would love to help if I can. I promise not to call in the next couple of days but please call us if you need help. That's what we are here for.
I love your post and that you are human and letting us know how hard this is going to be but I know you'll pull through it, because you are who you are. We love that in you. I will be there if you need me or David, anytime and anywhere. Enjoy the time with your kids on the trip Glenn planned. That is so Glenn. I pray for all the strength you'll need in this coming months.
All our Love,
The Camplis
Amy, Sam, Chase and Colby,
I've spent many days trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. Music's always been one of the most important things in my life and some friends of mine wrote a beautiful song that says more than I ever could. I hope you enjoy it...
Mike Leptuck & family
There is a video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sXuO1lys-g
'Never The Same'
by echolyn
What can I say?
What can I do you for you?
Some are here for but a moment
Then are taken in an instant to eternity
Remember life and what's been shared with you
That you have shared
It's funny how we feel closer
With the ones that we love
When they're farthest away
You can feel them so near
Just 'round the corner the memory still clear
"Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there I did not die."
I say to you I will see you again
On the other side someday
"There's never endings only discovery,"
I tell myself over and over again
Some leave their mark in our hearts then go
It's hard to continue onward
When forever comes down it comes down so heavy
Too final to forget
You've got to believe there's something more
After the song is over
The dance goes on, so dance away
When all is said and done
Remember what's been given, not taken away
But you struggle and you strain
As the undertow pulls you down
The years will spare the rod and soften the hardest blow
...but I am never the same
With time comes a certain fading and erasing
...but I am never the same
In each man
There lies a start that has no end
A means to be more
A light that shines in its own special way
Left with cold distance
I'll always be with you
We weather the cycle
I'll always be there
So fragile to balance
Too potent to harness
Life charges past the mortal in man
Remember all the life you shared every day
There's never any endings
...but I'll never be the same
It is ok to let the phone go to voicemail even turn the ringer off. Hold those kids tight and snuggle with them as much as you can. I am up late making another batch of pumpkin bread for Jack's project. THe first one tasted a little off so here I am at midnight waiting for the perfect batch. I was going to cheat and use my spice cake trick but in honor of all of you I am actually doing it from scratch because that is what Glenn would do. Yes I am using my mixer and making my second batch of bread. A year ago I would have used the shortcut but now I realize that so much can change in the blink of an eye so while I can I will make the bread from scratch to pass something along to my children whether it be fo their project
If you need any home imporovement help please let me know. I have people. Enjoy your trip and savor the time with your children. Know that Glenn is watching over all of you and you have such a strong support network.
It is ok to slow down and take time for yourself. Don't worry about pleasing everyone else now is the time for you, Sam, Chase and Colby. We love you all.
Julie, JD, Jack, Jared & Jamie
Hi Amy,
It's good for you (and us too) to continue posting here. Please feel free to share and utilize this blog and everyone that follows it as the resource that it has become... I'm available for ya.. The trip will come right on cue. Rest in the knowing of God's perfect timing... Peace and love, Vito
Amy - Thank you for continuing to post. I read it everyday. And, wish I lived closer to help in any way that you needed. But, please know my thoughts and prayers continue to be wiht you, Colby, Chase and Samantha.
You are a tower of strength and when I have difficult days, I think of all you have beem through, I suck it up and charge forward.
You've been an inspiration to me and my family in more ways than you will ever know and for that, I'm truly grateful.
Enjoy your time away. Love, Michele
Amy,
Do what you must, feel what you feel. Post what you can, what you need, what you want. We are here.
Love & Prayers
Pat & Kuntal
Hi Amy,
First of all the service was beautiful, it must be some comfort to know Glenn was so much appreciated. I am glad to hear you are getting away for a bit – it’s nice to take some time to regroup and I hope it helps you to adjust. I also know that you have a great support system in place but if you need anything call – I will also volunteer Dylan – he is extremely handy and loves to bust out his tools so feel free.
I just wanted to share something Evan said to me a while back and he recently reminded me of it. Who knows how we got on the subject of heaven (he is all over the place) but he is convinced that when someone you love passes away and goes to heaven their job is to pick out the new babies for their family and friends (he thinks he was picked out by mine and Dylan’s late grandfathers). That said, apparently Glenn’s new duties will include selecting babies for his family and friends. Glenn was known far and wide for his exceptional sense of humor so you may want to warn any expecting family or friends that he is likely gleefully rubbing his hands together and selecting a real character for someone.
Lisa (Dylan and Evan too!)
Dear Amy:
We have never met, but I feel so close to you, as you bravely let your feelings show. There is no right way to be right now. I have faced my share of loss, culture shock and periods of great loneliness. I don't pretend to know the pain you are enduring right now, but I do know that you are one of the strongest people I know. I will send my thoughts, prayers and spiritual energy to you through the difficult period ahead. Just focus on what you need. And know that you are not alone. I send my love to you and Samantha, Colby and Chase. One day we may meet. If you ever chance to be in Taiwan my door is open!
Your cousin in Taiwan,
Liz Wyant
Amy, I totally understand why my nieces love to come to Aunt Amy's house-it's cozy,fun, and warm.The pictures are amazing,the toys are endless and that jungle gym out back is wonderful.Eva and I will gladly house sit whenever needed.I hope it's okay - we collected some pinecones from your yard to have in my home.I told my family they will bring good vibes to our home.I think they are already working!Stay strong and be well.
Diane in NJ
Thank you everyone-- Lisa I like that idea...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It's a good thing that you are feeling all of this...I only wish that all of us could carry some of the burden and take away some of your pain. I cannot imagine what you are going through.
Six more days until my due date; I love the idea that a man like Glenn could have a hand in selecting my baby.
Praying for peace and comfort...
Hi Amy -- Christine here -- friend of Val's who has also lost a soul mate. I so know where you are right now and no, nothing you feel and or do right now or anytime soon is crazy. You have a free pass to do whatever, however and with whomever you want to. It is so completely overwhelming -- just the paperwork -- a nightmare. Hospital bills, wills, social security, day to day living stuff. I can help in anyway you need and would love to get together with you once you get back from your trip. I have been down this path ---HATED it -- ALL of it but I am here and well and happy and so are my kids. They follow your lead and you are doing an amazing job. Give yourself a break too-- you have had and will continue to have the weight of the world (or what feels like it) on your shoulders. Peace to you Amy.
Amy,
Wishing you didn't have to go through all of this. We are here for you and anything you need, please don't hesitate to let us know.
Duane, Joni & Reid
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